Lead me

  Hola Chicos! I have to preface this by saying, it is really late, and we have had a really full day of activities. My brain is pretty much mush at this point, but I really want to write this while it is fresh on my mind.
Since I have been in Peru, I have noticed something that  keeps happening. The first time that I saw it was the second week that we were here. We were downtown in the midst of traffic. We were walking along with the busy pace, when I noticed there was a blind lady who was crossing the street ahead of me. As you can imagine crossing a street can become quite a task, but just trust me..it's a big ordeal. A lady had grabbed her hand and helped her across. Once they crossed, the lady left the blind woman to carry on her way.. I immediately noticed that the blind lady needed to cross the street again, but this time instead of someone coming up and helping her, she was on her own.  She blindly stepped off the curb in to the street where there were cars, buses, taxis all whizzing past. She had her stick that allowed her to feel a few feet in front of her, but that was all. One of the ladies that was with us went up and grabbed her arm. Immediately the blind lady picked up her stick and tucked it in her arm and walked confidently beside Tiffany. Once we had crossed, she was on her way again until the next kind soul decided to help her out. She was back to walking small, unfamiliar steps, that lead to who knows where. When I observed what had happened I was a little taken back, and a little astounded by how much trust that lady had in others, but I didn't really give it much more thought...... Until today. Over the past couple of days I kept seeing more and more of these situations.  Today I looked at Carissa and said, "Have you noticed that there are so many blind people here?"  She looked at me a little funny and said, "No, Not really." I thought to myself that maybe I just happened the see the total population of the blind community in the last couple of weeks, or maybe my eyes were being opened to something. Maybe there was something that God was trying to teach me. As I continued to think on it throughout the day it became more obvious to me.  This is such an example of what my life is like without Jesus. When I am walking through the busy streets, some days just doing my best to figure out what the next step looks like, I do well to not get hit by a bus. How can I walk confidently when I don't know where I am going? Or when I have never walked this path before? How do I know when the road curves or when to step over the next big pot hole? I don't.  I only have a limited amount of information as to what is around. However, when you allow Jesus to come and swoop up your arm things change. For me, my steps are a little more swift. My posture straightens up a little, and I can put my foot down with a little more confidence than I had previously. I KNOW....that wherever he takes me I will be safe. I know that he will not let me walk in ignorance.  He is guiding my steps and when I know that.... my posture is changed immediately, because I know who HE is. I know He is my father. I know that ALL (good, bad, and the ugly) things are working to bring me closer to him, and bring glory to his magnificent name.
The application to the lesson is endless.  Maybe He's speaking about your life? Maybe He is referring to this season, or maybe he is just talking about today and tomorrow? I do know what it looks like for you, but I know what it looks like for me.  I know that most days I probably walk around clueless as to where I am going, because I rely on my stick. I rely on what information I can gather from my surrounding, which are helpful, but not complete. I want to walk around arm and arm confidently with Jesus knowing that HE has a specific destination for me every single day.  He does and I don't want to miss out on that.
Some days, we are given the opportunity to take "the blind man"by the arm (literally or figuratively) and allow him to experience what it means to walk confidently across the street. He knows that there is danger all around, but maybe for just a few steps he can know what is feels like to walk through life confidently!

 You see, the ironic thing about all of this is this morning I was reading Jesus Calling, but I accidentally read the one from yesterday. Read what is said

 " Walk with Me along paths of trust. The most direct route between point A and Point B on your life-journey is the path of unwavering trust in me. When your faith falters, you choose a trail that meanders and takes you well out of your way. You will get to Point B eventually, but you will have lost precious time and energy. As soon as you realize you have wandered from your trust-path, look to me and whisper, "I trust you Jesus." This affirmation will help you get back on track.
The farther you roam along paths of unbelief, the harder it is to remember that I am with you. Anxious thoughts branch off in all directions, taking you farther and farther from awareness of my presence. You need to voice your trust in me frequently. This simple act of faith will keep you walking along straight paths with me. Trust in me with all your heart, and I will make your paths straight"- Sarah Young.  Jesus Calling

Isaiah 26:4 " Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, THE LORD, is the rock eternal.

Psalm 9:10 "Those who know your name will trust in your, for you, Lord have never forsaken those who seek you."

Psalm 25:4-5 " Show me your ways O Lord, Teach me your paths guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior and my hope is in you all day long."

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding In all of your ways acknowledge him and He will make your path straight."

 I hope you sense the urgency that comes with walking confidently. Our time here is short and we have an important task at hand.  Walk confidently and cover your ground.

I really hope you know that I treasure your prayers while I am here!  Keep them coming. !

-CR

Treading Steadily

    We are so ready to start our first FULL week of ministry.  We are entering into our fourth week of being here.I It seems like we have been here for a long time, but  it also feels like we still have a lot of work to do! One of my goals while I am here is to pick up on some scripture memory that I started a while ago.  Throughout the last week I have been saying it a lot, and something new stood out to me. Even though I have probably said it a million times..  it has never hit my heart this way before...

 "James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, Greetings. 

Count it all joy my brothers when you face trials of various kinds

For we know that the testing of our faith produces steadfastness.

Let steadfastness have it full effect so that you may be perfect and 

complete lacking in nothing."  James 1:1-4

     Steadfastness that's the key!  This past week we finished our last week of "orientation", and I think that it was really easy for the four of us to think that it was a little unnecessary. However, not only was it full of really useful information, I think that it helped shift my mindset. The first couple of weeks that we were here we were running off of "Honeymoon" energy. I don't think that there is anything wrong with it, because it is really productive, but it isn't sustainable. I have moved past the excitement of the first week or two and then I hit this past week.  I no longer had that initial stamina that seemed supernatural, and I needed this week to know that it was gone. What do you do when you run out of Coffee (In a spiritual sense)?  This week forced me to dig down and really begin to understand that task set before me! I can't finish this with a cup of coffee.. or even a pot.

     I think this is what the book of James was trying to convey to us.  We must learn to be balanced, and let our roots grow deep... deep ... and even deeper into Jesus. Because regardless of how strong that pot of coffee was, it will never be enough to run the race of life. It will never be enough to climb mountains.  Don't you want to be perfect and complete lacking in nothing? I do. However, I also know that I am far from "lacking in nothing". So in order for my faith to be genuine and grow deep deep roots, it must be taken further than my pot of coffee will last.... And that my friends is why we can face all hard times, all defeated times, all stretching times with a confidence.We can be assured that is allowing our feet to be firmly planted in Jesus Christ, who is the only one who can provide any sort of stability in life, or overseas, or tragedy, or in overwhelming joy.

    So all that to say, I am thankful for this last week. Even though it wasn't what I thought was best, it is what was best. It allowed my caffeine high to wear off and my roots to start growing through the soil  in to the steadfastness that Jesus provides for his children. I am thankful that I can head into the next few months knowing that there are going to be some fabulous times, and some times when we feel completely overwhelmed and defeated. However, the steadfastness that we experience in him allows us to keep running, because it is never changing.

 Here is a brief run down of our schedule this week, so that you can be praying in specific ways:

 Monday- a day or preparation and planning our lessons for the week

Tuesday- We start Spanish classes, and we will be going to a village (VS) where we will hope to start some new work. We will be surveying and talking with the people in the village. Our goal is to train Advanced English Students to teach other students followed by a bible study.

Wednesday- Spanish, Girls home, and then we will be teaching English and having a bible study.

Thursday- Spanish, Teaching a health lesson, and English lessons downtown in a Quinta

Friday- Same as Thursday, just in a different Quinta

Saturday- Afternoon in a Quinta, and then hopefully we will get to go to a youth group and spend some time there!

Thank you all for your prayers! We are excited and expecting some great times this week! I am praying for God sized things to happen!

Psalm 62:8 " Trust in him at all times, O People Pour out your heart before him; God is our Refuge"

-Cayla

Good Morning!
          I can't believe I have already been here for two weeks! The days have been going by so fast as we have been taking in so many new experiences! We arrived last Tuesday pretty early in the morning and we were welcomed by our Hands On trainers.  Wednesday through Friday we spent most of the day in training! Although the days were really long, we were exposed to so much interesting material.  The Affinity team here in the America's did a great job! Here are a couple of topics that we covered:

 * What is our strategy?  We talked about how everything that we do needs to be a part of our overall goal to reach our targeted area. If it isn't strategic then we are wasting our time. This has been really helpful, because the need is so overwhelming that it is very difficult to pick and choose the things that we will invest our time and resources. Let everything that you do be strategic.

 * Are we creating something that is reproducible or creating dependency? This was a whole new world for me. How many times have I gone and imposed the American way in another country? How many times how I gone and just given a band aid to a problem that is much deeper? We must be conscious to work alongside a community or people group, instead of continuing to feed the thoughts that they can never have the right resources to do what we are doing! Everything that we do must set a model that allows nationals to take the lead. We will never be able to complete the Great Commission by sending out  missionaries from a certain organization! We must train and Equip national believers!

* Storying- This is so exciting! I had no idea that storying was going to be something that we would use! This is just one of those things that God has been preparing me to do, yet I had no idea. I went through the T4T training at my church, and I was just so excited about this methodology.  I have a lot of stories to learn!

Overall the training was a really great time! We spent a lot of time with all the Hands On students that are serving in the Americas for the next four months|! It is interesting just how quickly we became a family! Four of the students are serving in Brazil, six in Mexico, and five of us are here in Peru.  Tuesday everyone left to go to their final destinations.  For us, Tuesday was when we finally met Quentin and Gina. They took us downtown and we toured a lot of the places that we will be working over the next four months!   It looks like we are going to be very busy! Hopefully over the next week I will be able to give you a detailed list of our schedule so that you can be praying specifically for each opportunity! So far we have had a blast! The Lord has taught me so much about my desperate need for him even just in the last two weeks, but the great thing about it all is that I know that He has called me here.  Someday's I feel like  I am a Special agent with a really important task. I have some extremely important information that I need to get out, yet there are so many people that need to hear!

Here are a few things that we have done for fun!

 The Incan Market

 Friday night bus tour!

 Water park!

 IN the water tunnel!

 Please keep praying for us! We need you ! We have a very busy schedule and we are just praying that the Lord would use us! He has called us here specifically and we want to be open to his plan  for us here!  I am so thankful to be here, even on the hard days! This next week we will be planning our classes and lessons for the next couple of weeks, and then we will jump in with both feet! God gets all the Glory! Talk to you soon-

Adios!

This Means War

I'm ready to fight.  The past couple of months have definitely not gone according to the plan, or at least not my plan.  I have a dream and a strong desire in my heart and for some reason I thought it would be in place/ happening right now, but guess what it isn't.  I feel like the Lord has been priming my heart for several months maybe even a year now, confirming the desires that are deep down in my heart (Not my own just the ones that HE has planted there).  It is actually really crazy. The things I said a year ago about my future when someone asked me what I intended to do with my nursing degree would have probably sounded something like, Oh I’m going to get some experience and move to Africa...I still kept it in my mind. I partly just said it to give someone an answer to get off my back, but partly I knew that it was in my DNA and maybe someday and somehow it would come true if I just said it enough. When month after month went by, without the right job coming along, I knew He was saying just wait and pray. He had a different plan. What plan? I argued God, if you mean that plan I'll need experience. I need to know what I am doing. I am a new nurse with two weeks of vast nursing knowledge. What could he do with me?  Won't I look illequipped?   Don't I need money? God I have loans I have to pay off... Do you know this?  God, I can't pay my loans working an almost minimum paying job? He just kept saying be patient and pray.  I started praying and He started opening my eyes. Not only to opportunities surrounding my dream, but to new things about HIM and who He was.  He would quiet my heart and say Cayla.. I have you right where I want you, you know that. However, something deep in my heart just couldn't rest in that, and I would fight it.Why did I work my butt off in nursing school to work at this job and to nanny? Couldn't I be more useful somewhere else? I don't understand, but I also knew what He was saying and it was still to be patient.  So I kept praying and He would keep giving me sneak peaks of maybe what He was working on. Even though those "opportunities" didn't always work out, it was like He was saying Cayla, I haven't forgotten. It's just not time. SO I kept waiting.  

       I had the opportunity to hear a girl speak about a month ago who was so ridiculously in love with Jesus, I honestly don't know if I had ever seen someone that was so obsessed with him and also so bold about telling people. She was talking about this point in her life when doing life and doing church just wasn't enough anymore. When I say "Doing church” I don't mean it in a fake way. I don't mean you just show up, eat the doughnuts and go home, but it wasn't super personal. It wasn't a longing that couldn't be quenched or a relationship that made every other relationship in her life look like hate. While she was speaking, something in my spirit just couldn't be relaxed and entertained by her words, it was compelling me to something much more significant than  "doing church”. I honestly wasn't trying to simply replicate something that had happened in her life. It was showing me how disgusting my laziness is when it comes to my relationship with the creator of the world. She continued talking about how she didn't know what to do except read her bible day and night, and when she wasn't reading she was meditating on it or praying.  It wasn't a new fun thing to do or a heartless commitment that would fade away in a week or two IT WAS WAR. It was war against her flesh, against the prince of this world, against the comfortable Christianity that we have fallen in to. I walked out of that place extremely challenged and convicted.   It has become a war the past month.  I am not going to lie I feel like I'm losing most days, but nevertheless I keep fighting because I know in the end He wins and He has my heart.
       I truly believe that God has something churning in my future. I would like to think that it is closer rather than far away, but either way I still believe it wholeheartedly. I believe that when I would flippantly throw out an answer about doing community health around the world to answer someone's question, that it wasn't a coincidence.  I am not saying that with arrogance, because it isn't my grand plan. It isn't my idea or even possible for me to complete without Him. I feel like this time that I thought had been wasted is really only him preparing my heart for the mountain ahead.  A journey isn't easy.  I won't always have the comforts of my couch, friends, or bed, and sometimes that will be hard. My calling is much higher than that though and so is yours.
       Tonight I was reading over Psalm 40, When David was talking about the Lord not restraining His Mercy from us, because our sins have overtaken us. I am so thankful for that chapter. David, God's chosen man said that his sins outnumbered the hairs on his head, yet God still chose to save him! I'm pretty sure I could have a lot of head's full of hair, and my sins would still outnumber them. He is still faithful. He is still my Father, and His love is still steadfast.
       "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus, Look Full in His wonderful face, and the things of the Earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His Glory and Grace"
So Thankful for his pursuing love everyday towards my hard and dark heart. Praying that He will use me in a mighty way only for His Renown. Also for his all-knowing plan that has provided me with an almost minimum paying job and opportunity to share my Faith.
 There's way more to it than we will ever know. Go to War. He hasn't forgotten and He has a plan.

AFtermath

 Five weeks and one day ago I came home from a summer of seeing God work in my life in an unbelievable way.  I think it has taken me this long to just process everything and understand partially what the Lord has taught me.  I think one thing that I learned during the whole trip was very simple. There wasn't a moment in my time there that I thought  "Oh yea.. this is exactly why I came".  There wasn't a huge moment when the Lord shot lightening down from Heaven or anything spectacular, but it all started with a small voice.. that grew bigger and bigger until I was willing to listen to it.   I had been there about a month, I was having the time of my life.  I was making friends, eating strange foods, learning culture and all the wonderful things I had intended to, but I wasn't always looking for the Lord's work. I was looking for my experience. Please understand that I knew that God had called me to this place, and I was right where he wanted me. I just didn't feel him working. I felt like nothing was happening. I was just living and having a great time (thinking I was doing something extraordinary). I then realized that is the exact place God needed me to be in order to show me what he was about to show me.   My heart.  Who knew that it would take me flying all the way around the world and doing crazy things in order for Him to show me something that was with me the whole time.  He kept impressing these thoughts in my mind. .. Why am I here? For my glory or His? How am I living? Lifting my name higher or His?.. I quickly realized I was so easily wrapped up in what I (BIG I) was doing for His kingdom.  I was there telling an unreached people group about the one who brings life.. I was doing that.. How awesome was that.  me. me. me. me. me.  Then He showed me..  He doesn't need me and I don't bring anything to the table He doesn't already have.   He showed me who I was .. Who we are as humans. Wicked. Evil. Sinful.  (regardless of our deeds) I have a sin problem. The only good in me is Jesus.  Even when I try to do something good it is usually tied in with some kind of self exaltation. My flesh seeks to glorify self. I never thought that I was a horrible person... I mean yea.. I have sinned a couple of times , but they weren't "that bad"..  so I thought until this particular time.  Jesus showed me how desperate my heart was for a Savior.  So desperate.  So entangled in Earth.  My sins that weren't so bad ran deep. They ran deep into my DNA, and I saw why I needed a savior. It wasn't those little sins that were so bad, but the underlying issue that I was mocking God. I saw how prideful I was. I can no longer say that I am a good person, because there is no such thing. A good person doesn't sin against the creator of the World, spit in his face, or mock his commandments.  I do.  We do as humans,Yet He was willing to die for me.  I feel like this is a lesson that I have known in my head for a long long time, but I have never truly felt it in my own heart until this point.   He is good and I am not. I am unworthy to stand before him, and unworthy to be his servant. I am not good with words, and I don't feel like I have expressed my heart adequately.  I hope you are able to see and understand. I hope that God allows you to see.
 If you would have asked me before my trip what I thought God wanted to teach me this summer I would have said.. Learn to love the Lost or how to be a good worker in the garden . I never would have thought that the Lord would show me my heart and how self seeking it is.  I am so glad He did.  I am so glad He showed me because I felt like It brought me closer to him by seeing how much I needed him. I need my heart to be healed. I need to love like HE loves and not how I love.  I need my eyes to be opened like His eyes are opened.
 My God Is faithful. He is faithful to use my efforts even when they are not pure.  He is faithful to lead you to the desert and bring you back with more knowledge than you had before. He is always there. Ready to teach and equip you. Ready to show you how you can love Him more.  Ready to prove himself faithful over and over and over and over and over. You just have to have faith. He can do it. He is the God of the Universe. The One who conquered Death. The One who took your place! The things he shows you aren't always the lessons you want to learn, but always the lessons He needs you to learn.
 I don't know how I can express anymore how crazy this has been.   I just know that He told me to do something and I did it. He took care of the rest. Be obedient.

 " Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up" James 4 :10

"Being confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it out unto completion until the day of Christ Jesus" Philippians 1:6

 The Lord is faithful.. ... Always.

A continuation

I can not believe it is time to say good bye! It less that 5 hours,we will be getting on a plane and leave this hot, sticky city that I have grown to love! I can't believe it is over! Really! The Lord is working in my life and in the lives of all the people that I have  met!  It has been a incredible journey, but I am trying to remember that the Lord is not finished leading me !  The journey will only continue when I get home!  I get to share my stories and testimony to everyone in America and tell them what my summer has been like! What an amazing opportunity!  It is a little overwhelming thinking about all the things that are going to be thrown in my face when I get back, but I know that the Lord is with me.  ( This is one of the most comforting phrases that I have grown to love during this time) I love being here and having my mind set on a purpose every single day, and doing whatever the cost is to accomplish that Purpose! I intend to try my hardest to leave everyday with that purpose when I come back home!  I don't want to re reabsorbed in to the "American way" that I was so entangled in when I left! It's so freeing to not have to worry about what you are going to wear because you only five 5 outfits, or what kind of car you drive because every one has black Kijangs.  It is simple and only the issues that matter are the issues that you face every single day! I am so thankful for everything that I have been able to do while I was here. Everything was truly a once in a lifetime opportunity!  Thank you!  I am going to try to write another post as I am readjusting to life in the US!  Thank you for all the Support!

 The last couple of days have been really great! We have had a really great time with friends and workers here. We have had to start saying good byes, because The fasting month begins tomorrow and a lot of people don't want to hang out with us because it is a time to be with family.  I don't want to leave some of them, but yet I am so excited to see my family and friends again.   There are some things I just can't wait to do as soon as I get back, but somethings I will just miss terribly.
 For example, I won't miss being able to wear my shoes wherever I go so that the bottom of my feet are not constantly black.  I won't miss the smell of things burning all the time . I won't miss the smell of the bathrooms or houses, It's like an ammonia smell. So strange but it is everywhere.  I will miss the smell of J- co doughnuts.... SO amazing. I won't miss having to put my shoes on every time I go in the bathroom because it's wet.  I will miss the helper looking at me like I am absolutely crazy when  I walk out of my room when I first wake up with all my hair on top of my head and my pajamas.  I will miss trying to use my little bit of Indonesian along with motions to the helper to communicate.  ( you would think that once she said the same thing several times I would learn it) I won't miss falling asleep to toxic bug spray or the mosquitos eating me up. ( IF YOU EVERY COME HERE YOU CAN NOT BRING ENOUGH BUG SPRAY). I won't miss wearing the same 5 outfits for 2 months, but I will miss the fact that it doesn't matter what I look like every one still tells me I am beautiful.  We will miss eating with out hands, despite how dirty they might be.   I won't miss never having a hand towel to dry them off with. (They never have things to dry your hands off with ).   I WILL NOT miss smelling Durian  every where I go. I will miss being able to play at the petting zoo when we go to the supermarket. I might miss the call to prayer being blasted in to my room every morning at 4 am.  I won't miss picking out the bones off my chicken. A nice chicken breast with zesty Italian dressing would be truly amazing. no bones, no heart, no liver, no galbladder, no breaking it legs.  That will be so nice. I won't miss brushing my teeth with seperate water.  I won't miss tofu, but I will miss soybeans
These are only some of the things I can think of right now, I know it probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but It will once I get back.

This morning we were able to  meet and fellowship with people literally from all around the world. We had people from, Indonesia,Germany, New Zeland, Switerzerland, and America all in the same room. It was so incredible. It was so nice to be around people who were taller than me again. They were so tall. SOOOO tall and get this.. They had white skin.  It's the small things.  I am actually taller or as tall as most of the people here which is so strange.
 Love you all,
 Cayla